Grounded/Transcript

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Transcript
Previous:	Shanghai Hi-Jinks
Episode:	Grounded
Next:	Inside Job

Blythe: Sheesh. You'd think no one's ever seen a monkey on a leash before, when I know they've seen me with a panda, skunk, mongoose, and a hedgehog on a leash.

Mailman: Mail call. Whoa! A monkey on a leash.

Blythe: [Gasp] My ballet tickets!

Mrs. Twombly: [Gasp] My DNA kit!

Blythe: DNA kit?

Mrs. Twombly: It's for the pets. Just put a little spit in there and whammo, we'll know exactly what breed our pets are. Heh-heh! I'm gonna start selling them, so I thought I'd try it out on some of the day camp pets first.

Blythe: Huh. Great idea, Mrs. Twombly.

Zoe: It would be, if I didn't already know that I come from the absolute finest pedigree lineage.

Minka: Are you saying words that I'm supposed to understand? Because I don't.

Zoe : What I'm saying is I am the purest of purebred pet.

Blythe: [Squee] I've been waiting forever for these! Dad and I are finally going to the ballet! I'm gonna get my hair done, get a mani-pedi. Oh, maybe even buy a new dress.

Roger: Or maybe not. I'm afraid we're going to be tightening the purse strings for a while, Blythe. I've just been laid off.

Blythe: What the what?!

[theme song]

Roger: Yep. Nothin' like makin' the most of my time while I'm temporarily grounded. I oiled the clips on all the leashes, alphabetized the squeaky toys, rearranged the pet food according to height and weight, painted the office, rewired the air conditioning, and, installed an espresso machine.

Mrs. Twombly: An espresso machine? Oh, my, you're so efficient. I can't imagine why the airline would lay you off.

Roger: Every 3 years on the second Tuesday of the fourth month, they lay off someone whose name begins with B, until 4 days before the next full moon that falls on a Saturday. Eh, union rules. Ha. This place totally needs me!

Mrs. Twombly: [Whispering] No it doesn't.

Blythe: The layoff is only temporary. So how much damage can he do?

Mrs. Twombly: I'm afraid to find out.

Minka: Mrs. Twombly's gonna give us a test!

Russell: A test? For what?

Zoe: For something called DNA to tell us exactly what kind of pets we are. I'm a purebred.

Russell: Eh, I don't need a test to tell me that I'm a hedgehog. I mean, look at me. What else could I possibly be?

Vinnie: Porcupine?

Sunil: A prickly rat?

Pepper: A pineapple?

Penny Ling: I don't think I have any DNA on me.

Pepper: Yeah. What does it smell like?

Vinnie: Uh, I've never had much luck passing tests.

Sunil: And I have no interest in staying up all night studying.

Mrs. Twombly: Okay, my sweeties, who's up for a test?

Roger: Hm. There's no way we need all these thingamajigs. Oops.

Blythe: Um, dad?

Roger: Oh, ha ha. Good thing about these pesky little layoffs, huh? This place would be lost without me.

Blythe: You know, dad, Mrs. Twombly has her own way of doing things. So maybe you should do something else with your free time, like looking online for a job.

Roger: An online job search? Great idea! Oh, uh, well, this one seems to be down. I'll just go use our computer.

Blythe: Well, I've got school, so gotta fly.

Roger: Fly? Oh. Lucky you.

Mrs. Twombly: Now, it says here that I need to "wipe the inside of your mouths with this little cotton swab." Oh, well, that sounds easy enough. Open wide, sweeties.
Minka: Ahh!
Mrs. Twombly: Right side, left side, upsidey, downsidey, all around the insideys. Now, to put these in DNA whirly-twirly thingy.
Minka: Speaking of whirly-twirly thingies... Whee!
Russell: What you thinking about, Zoe?
Zoe: Oh, just imagining how fabulous all my ancestors must have been.
[Military theme]
Soldier: There are the British! [Cough]
[Egyptian theme]
Cat: [Blows raspberry] [Purring]
Pharaoh: Eeh, ooh, unh!
[Mellow harpsichord theme]
Prince: Gah! Crumpet! Crumpet stuck! [Grunts]
Zoe: [Panting] Ha, ha. Oh, sorry. So un-pedigreed of me.

Roger: [In snooty accent] Brain surgeon. [Normal voice] Nah, wrinkly things give me the willies. [Affected voice] Actor. [Normal voice] Can't afford the therapy. Meteorologist? Well, I don't realy care about meteors. Hm. This one looks right up my alley. Hello, I'm calling about your job listing.

Zoe: Heh-heh-heh! Oh, I can't wait. I come from good stock, you know.
Russell: So we've heard.
Mrs. Twombly: Oh, my, this is interesting. It says here that Minka is the rarest of a rare breed of monkey. She's so rare she's not even called a monkey. She's called a minkey.
All: Ohh.
Mrs. Twombly: And Zoe's DNA says that she is a, uh, a mutt?
Zoe: [Gasps]
Mrs. Twombly: So Zoe's a mutt. I didn't see that coming.
Zoe: I'm not a purebred? Then who am I if I'm not perfect, amazing and unique? This is terrible.
Minka: This is great! I'm a minkey! Sounds like fun!
Zoe & Minka: I'm not who I thought I was!

Blythe: Hi, dad. Hey, where are you going?
Roger: I've got potential employers to wow.
Blythe: Huh. That was fast.
Roger: Mwah. Wish me luck!
Blythe: Good luck!

Minka: My first painting as a minkey. Ee-ee! Hey!
Pepper: Gotta protect those rare and delicate minkey hands.
Minka: Um, maybe I won't paint after all. But I would like a banana. [Gasp]
Vinnie: I'll peel that, your minkiness.
Minka: Hey!
Sunil: Don't want you to ruin those minkey pearly whites. There, I chewed it for you.
Minka: Think I'll just go watch a little TV.
Russell: Favorite spot coming right up. There you go, Minka.
Zoe: Russell, do you mind?
Russell: No, uh, I don't mind. Wow, you've really let yourself go.
Zoe: Who cares?
Sunil: Well, I certainly do. Our special Minka shouldn't have to be exposed to your and your, ohh, sweatpants.
Zoe: Well, uurp! Excuse me, your specialness!
Minka: I'm not sure I'm all that special.
Penny Ling: The Danny test says you are, and we can't let anything happen to you.
Minka: Well, it didn't say you had to do everything for me.
Vinnie: Sure it did. You just need to listen between the lines.
Blythe: Listen between the what, now?
Sunil: It appears as though Mrs. Twombly has done some special Danny tests and discovered that-
Vinnie: Minka's a rare minkey, and Zoe's a... mutt.
Blythe: [Gasp] Those are the results from that DNA test?
Zoe: Science don't lie.

Blythe: Doesn't lie. [Horn honking] What's with all the honking?
Whittany: Oh, Blythe, did we accidentally...
Brittany: ...on purpose...
Whittany: ...spill our drinks on you?
Brittany: Well, don't worry. Our driver will, like, totally clean you up.
Blythe: Um, that's really not nece-
Whittany: [Whistles]
Brittany: Driver, get out and deal with the wet girl!
Blythe: Huh
Roger: Hi, Blythe! I totally wowed them! And the biggest wow of all is I'm not just the Biskits' chauffer, I'm also their personal assistant!
Brittany: Like, her feet are still wet.
Whittany: Yeah, so wash them or something.
Roger: Oh, looks like I don't have anything to clean you off with.
Whittany: Use your tie!
Roger: Oh, great idea.
Blythe: Don't do it, dad.
Roger: It's okay, Blythe. The joke's on them. Heh-heh, I never really liked this tie.
Blythe: I'm extra-asking, double begging, pretty please with a cherry on top, stop!
Whittany: Come on. If she wants to walk around with squishy shoes, let her.
Brittany: Shah. Take us to the mall. There's a sale that starts tomorrow, and we wanna, like, pre-shop.
Roger: Righty-o! Duty calls.
[Engine starts]
Blythe: What just happened?!
Brittany: Whittany, I'm so, like, totally bored.
Whittany: Driver, radio!
Roger: Driver, radio, what? [In high-pitched voice] Driver, can you please turn on the radio? [In normal voice] I sure can. [Rock music on radio] What a great song, huh, girls?
Whittany: If you're, like, a hundred years old!
Brittany: And tone-deaf! Turn it off!
Roger: Turn it up? [Increasing volume] [Singing]
Brittany: Our driver-slash-assistant is singing.
Whittany: Did we give permission for that? No!

[Roger]

Kids should try to behave nicely

[Biskit Twins]

What is the point of being nice?

Whittany: To the mall, driver.

Brittany: Like, now!

[Roger]

Instead of spending, you could try giving

[Biskit Twins]

More!

We want more!

Let's go find a bigger store!

[Roger]

Buying more won't make you happy

[Biskit Twins]

We don't agree, but now we need some more money!

[Roger]

Workin' hard is the best reward that you could ever get

Spend the day with your sleeves rolled up

[Biskit Twins]

And smell like sweat!

Getting wet!

Sounds to us like a regret!

[Chorus]

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

[Roger]

There's more to life than looking pretty

[Biskit Twins]

Jealous you don't look this good?

[Chorus]

Not me!

[Roger]

Helping others makes you happy

[Biskit Twins]

We agree!

If you are helping me

Whittany: Ugh. I think he's getting in my head.

Brittany: I know! He's starting to, like, make sense!

[Biskit Twins]

You know it's not easy being the mean girls in the school

No one understands it's hard to think of new ways to try to be cruel

[Roger]

I would like to see the day when nobody has to hate

We see each other's point of view, and always tolerate

[Biskit Twins]

Maybe he's right

We've been wrong all along

We could be nice, and just sing this old man's song

[Brittany]

Yeah-ah!

[All]

Working hard is the best reward that you could ever get

Spend the day with your sleeves rolled up, and live with no regret

[Biskit Twins]

Life is good now we've learned to just be nice

[Roger]

Learned to just be nice!

[Biskit Twins]

We don't have to say it twice!

[Brittany]

Twice!

[Roger]

Ahh!

Aw, yeah!

Minka: What?!
Pepper: Just watching out for your precious DNA is what.
Minka: Does anyone here even know what DNA is? Watch out! My DNA's getting all over the place!
Zoe: [Groaning]
Minka: Zoe, you've gotta cheer up. Just because the test says that I'm super special doesn't mean you're not the same pet you've always been, despite those sweatpants. Be Zoe for me!
Zoe: Well, I suppose you're right. I mean, I bet I can still sing as beautifully as I always have. Mi, mi, mi! [Coughs] Oh! I'm a mutt who coughs up hairballs!
Minka: Well, if you're gonna cough up hairballs, make them the biggest, nastiest, hairiest hairballs ever! And if you're gonna be a mutt, be the best mutt you can be!
Zoe: Right! And if you're going to be a minkey, you better be the best minkey you can! You owe it to your DNA, your specialness!
Zoe & Minka: We can so do this!

Roger: Okay, you two, stand back. It's my turn. Come on, woosy, choosy twosies. Ha-cha!
Whittany: [Laughs]
Brittany: Why did you laugh?
Whittany: I don't know. I think I'm, like, having... fun.
Roger: Flipsie! I win!
Brittany: [Laughs] Like, OMG! I'm having fun, too!
Roger: It's time for me to head out.
Whittany: Don't leave. Stay.
Brittany: Yeah. We're having fun.
Roger: Sorry. I've got someone at home waiting for me.
Biskits: Plee-eease?
Roger: Well, how can I say no when you've used the magic word?
Biskits: Yay! Ha-ha!
Francois: Pardon me, Miss One, Miss Two. We thought we heard laughter?
Blythe: But that doesn't make any sense.
Whittany: So you decided to interrupt our game?
Brittany: Blythe, you know your dad has a job to do, don't you?
Blythe: Um, yeah.
Whittany: Ugh! Then why are you here?! 
Blythe: I was just in the neighborhood to check out a few thrift stores and thought if you were done, we could walk home together.
Brittany: Like, what's a thrift store?
Blythe: It's a place where you can buy fabulous used dresses like this one.
Biskits: [Scream]
Whittany: What kind of dress did she say that is?!
Brittany: I don't want to repeat it! It's too awful!
Blythe: I thought I could wear this to the ballet tonight.
Whittany: Ballet?
Roger: I'm taking Blythe to see Swan Lake. It'll be great.
Whittany: Well, no way it'll be great as, like, the Russian ballet. Right, Brittany?
Brittany: Oh, yeah. That ballet in Russia, it's so much more great.
Roger: Oh, Russia used to be on my flight rotation. Non-stop jumbo jet service.
Whittany: Well, we wanted you to fly us to Russia tonight in our private jet.
Brittany: You can pretend it's like jumbo.
Roger: Fly? Your private jet?
Whittany: It's totally settled then.
Brittany: We just need to go pack.
Roger: Honey, if you don't want me to go...
Blythe: It's okay, dad. You get to fly again, so you should go. Don't worry about me.
Roger: You're the best, Blythie.
Blythe: [Sniffle]

Zoe: Yo, pets! Get a load of the new DNA Zoe and the fancy friend. So youse think a dog needs to have some kinda high-falutin' moms and pops to be classy? Then youse better think again. Right, your majesty?
Sunil: Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
Russell: I'm seeing it, but I don't believe it.
Minka: I'm thinking about taking another step, but minkeys do not take steps unless there is a red carpet under their feet, so start unfurling!
Russell: As you wish.
Minka: I need to be brushed three times a day. And no synthetic bristles.
Pepper: Right.
Minka: And don't speak unless you're spoken to! And not even then. You, entertain me. And you better make it good.

Blythe: [Sigh] Somewhere out there, the Biskit Twins are having lots of fun with my dad.
[Dramatic theme]
[Crowd cheering]
Crowd: Roger! Roger! Roger!
Blythe: [Sigh] I've lost my dad to the Biskit Twins.

Whittany: Do you think I put the blue dress in the third suitcase or the sixth one?
Brittany: Ugh. Like it matters. We can buy new dresses in Russia.
Roger: Oh, I didn't even get a good look at Blythe's new dress.
Brittany: And that's why you can still see. We're pretty sure you can go blind from looking at a used dress.
Biskits: [Laugh]
Roger: Blythe always finds great stuff in those thrift stores. 
Whittany: Well, it's probably stuff that used to belong to us.
Brittany: Yeah. We only wear our dresses once. And then they go straight to the less fortunate.
Biskits: Which is pretty much everyone else! [Laugh]
Whittany: Brittany, do you think Blythe really wears our dresses?
Brittany: [Gasp] That would be so, like...
Biskits: EWWWW!
Roger: Okay, that's it!
Biskits: [Yell]
Whittany: Uh! What are you doing?
Brittany: Hey, this is the same scenery we just saw, except, like, backwards!
Whittany: We want forward scenery!
Roger: It's all backwards from here on out. I'm takin' you home.
Biskits: [Gasp]
Brittany: Since when do assistants not assist? Russia!
Roger: Not going to happen.
Biskits: Plee-ease? [Yell]
Whittany: Just so you know, your song stunk!
Brittany: Oh, and you're, like, FIRED!
Fisher: Unless you want to take me to my Rich Men's Grooming Club meeting on 3rd Street.
Roger: Oh, that's just a few blocks from my apartment. And Blythe.

Fisher: So where were you and my girls headed?
Roger: To the airport to fly the girls to the Russian ballet in Russia.
Fisher: [Snorts, laughs] Well, you wouldn't have gotten very far, considering I sold my jet last month. That would have been some temper tantrum.
Roger: I made a big mistake with my daughter Blythe and I need to hurry home so that I can take her to the ballet.
Fisher: Well then, I suggest you step on it.
Roger: Yes, sir!

Mrs. Twombly: Well, I think I made an oopsie.
Blythe: Hm.
Mrs. Twombly: Seems like I read the DNA test incorrectly. Minka's not a rare minkey, after all, but Zoe really is the purest of purebreds.
Blythe: Hm. Wait. What?
Mrs. Twombly: [Laughs] Oh, pilot error.
Blythe: BRB. Be right back.
Minka: And if this minkey sees, she will not do. One of you will do it for her.
Blythe: Zoe, Minka, you'll never guess what. The Danny tests - I-I mean, DNA tests were wrong.
Zoe: Whatcha talkin' bout, Blythe? I'm a mutt, and I love it.
Blythe: Zoe, you're not a mutt. You're the purest of purebreds.
Zoe: Oh, thank goodness! Being a mutt was not for me.
Blythe: But it also turns out that Minka, you're not a rare minkey, just a regular monkey.
Zoe: I'm sorry, Minka.
Minka: For what? It's not like I know how to write, anyhow. Now the day camp is the same as it ever was.
Pets: [All cheer] [All laugh]

Mrs. Twombly: Well, it's been a long, confusing day.
Blythe: I'll say. [Door opens] Sorry, we're closed.
Roger: Please, ma'am? I'll only be a second.
Blythe: Dad!
Roger: Ready to see the ballet with your newly unemployed dad?
Blythe: Been ready all day. I'd hoped you'd make it. But first I need to go change.
[Cell phone rings]
Roger: Hello? First thing Monday morning? Ha, ha! Fantastic! Layoffs are over! I have my job with the airline back!
Blythe & Roger: Whoo-hoo! All right! 
Mrs. Twombly: I guess this means I can unlock the power tools. [Giggles] Oh, dear.

[End credits]