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Episode: Inside Job
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Blythe: Just a quick bottle of water and off to class. (Shakes the bottle) What the huh? [Straining]
Blythe: Aah! Ohh, ugh! Hey! What's up with these flimsy new bottles?
Water Delivery Man: Oh, the school just switched suppliers. This will be your new designated water for a while.
Blythe: How long is a while? 
Water Delivery Man: Eh, 58 years, give or take.
Blythe: 58 years?!
Water Delivery Man: It's really not so bad, you'll get used to it. Then before long, every day will seem like the one before.
Blythe: I can't be the only one who doesn't like this.
(Water bottles are popping in students' faces.)
Blythe: Don't you hate these new water bottles?
Students: Yes!
Blythe: Well, I'm going to do something about it?
Girl: Like what?
Principal Morris: [Over PA] Attention, students. Principal Morris here. Just a reminder, we're looking for class president candidates. Why not sign up today?
Blythe: Like run for class president, where I pledge to bring back the old bottled water!
[Students cheering]

[theme song ]

Blythe: Okay, guys. If I'm going to run for class president, I'll need your help. 
Youngmee, Sue, & Jasper: Of course!/You got it!
Blythe: I have to convince everyone that I can make a real difference, and I've got to get rid of those flimsy water bottles in the vending machines.
Jasper: Blythe, running unopposed, you're sure to win!
Brittany: Or, like, not!
Whittany: Hello, Blythe! Others.
Brittany: Blythe, we've got some good news, and some, like, bad news.
Whittany: First, the bad news: we're running against you for class president.
Blythe: So what's the good news?
Brittany: We lied. There isn't any good news. 
Blythe: Why are you suddenly so interested in being class president?
Whittany: To run against you, of course.
Brittany: Maybe you haven't noticed, but we're, like, your Nemesises. Ne-
Whittany: Yeah.
Blythe: Well, I've got some bad news for the both of you: the office is meant for just one person. You can't both run.
Whittany: Well, our team of lawyers checked into it and there's no rule against twins running together.
Brittany: Yeah, it's like a two-for-one sale.
Whittany: Oh, Britt, that's like our favorite kind!
Brittany: Two-for-iffic! 
Biskits: [Laughing]
Whittany: Look, let's just get this dull campaign stuff over with so we can start being class president already.
Blythe: It doesn't quite work that way, girls. First there are a couple of weeks of campaigning with signs-
Youngmee: Speeches.
Sue: Rallies.
Jasper: And a big debate on the issues.
Biskits: Boring!
[Bell rings]
Blythe: Well, here's a too a good campaign. [Straining] [Pop!] Gah! [Groans]
Whittany: Blythe, can't you wait until you get home to, like, take a shower?
Biskits: [Laughing]

Russell: [Yelp]
Sunil: [Yelp]
Zoe: Pepper, do you mind?
Pepper: No, I don't mind! [Honk!] Mind what?
Zoe: I thought I heard a strange noise.
Pepper: Oh, you mean that strange noise.
Russell: Do you guys hear that humming sound?
Zoe: Yes! Where is it coming from?
Pepper: Over there, I think.
Minka: No, over there.
Sunil: No, there.
Vinnie: No, gotta be there.
[Door opens]
Blythe: Hey, everybody; I got a major announcement. What's everyone looking for?
Russell: Oh, just a weird noise; I'll fill you in later. What's your news?
Blythe: I'm running for class president! 
Russell: That's great! So, have you chosen a genius hedgehog campaign consultant yet?
Blythe: Not yet. Do you know anyone who would be interested?
Russell: Hmm... I might.
Blythe: [Laugh] I'd love your help, Russell. But there's one thing you need to know: the Biskit twins are running against me.
Russell: Really?
Blythe: I know. Weird, huh? I'm not too worried, though; I have some real issues in mind.
Russell: Whereas the Biskits probably can't even spell "issues". 
Blythe: Excellent point!
Russell: All you got to do is stay on message and follow my strategy, and you'll win by a landslide.

Blythe: Huh, something's wrong. The Biskits haven't pulled any dirty tricks, politically speaking, all morning.
Principal Morris: [Over PA] Attention, students. Please enjoy free ice cream, courtesy of Whittany and Brittany Biskit.
[Students cheering]
Blythe: Hey! They can't do that! The Biskits are trying to buy votes; it's against campaign regulations!
Francois: In fact, my employers have yet to submit the signed paperwork rendering their candidacy official.
Sue: So their ice cream bribe -
Youngmee: Actually, it's gelato.
Sue: - is perfectly legal, [Gulps] and delicious! Mmm!
Youngmee: Yummy!
Jasper: Gelato! Mmm!
Blythe: This is just a distraction! Doesn't anyone want to hear the real issues facing our school?
Students: Mmm!
Brittany: [Mic feedback] How does everyone, like, like the ice cream?
Whittany: [Mic feedback] Actually, it's gelato.
[Students cheering]
Whittany: And have you, like, all finished?
Students: Yeah!
Brittany: Good, because as of right now, we declare ourselves official candidates for class president!
Biskits: Two for one! Two for one! Two for one! Two for one! 
Students & Biskits: Two for one! Two for one! Two for one! Two for one!
Brittany: You going to, like, eat that?
Blythe: [Glumly] Be my guest. 

Zoe: [Humming] Oh, that noise! I can't stand it! Oh!
Vinnie: Aah!
Pepper: Ohh!
Minka: Aah!
Sunil: Oof!
Russell: Aah! Come on, everyone, we can't let this noise rattle us so much.
Pepper: Oh, that hum is a real comedy killer!
Minka: I call it a buzz.
Zoe: I agree with Minka, definitely a buzz.
Pepper: No way! Hummmmmmmm!
Zoe: Buzzzzzzzzzz! Oh, come on, it's a buzz!
Russell: [Groan]

Blythe: [Sigh] There - two dozen hand-drawn and photo-scanned campaign signs. 
Russell: Your tireless dedication is most admirable, Blythe.
Blythe: Oh, it was fun, and it helped get my mind off the trick the Biskits pulled today.
Russell: Uh-oh! What'd they do?
Blythe: Oh, they pretty much tried to buy everyone's vote with free ice cream, I mean, gelato, a moment before declaring their candidacy.
Russell: Positively barbaric! Yet most effective on gelato-loving students, I'm afraid.
Blythe: I have to admit, it was delicious.
Russell: Well, why don't you do that, Blythe? 
Blythe: I couldn't afford it.
Russell: All you have to do is talk during dessert at lunch tomorrow and everyone will associate you with something sweet and delicious.
Blythe: Russell, you're a genius!
Russell: Eh, it's in my job description.

Blythe: Fellow students, as you enjoy today's chocolate cake, I'd like to tell you a few things about me, Blythe Baxter.
[Students gagging]
Blythe: What the what?!
Jasper: What is this awful stuff?! Blech!
Biskits: [Laughing]
Blythe: Okay, you two! What just happened?
Brittany: Our dad hired us a team of campaign advisors and they knew you might try the dessert trick.
Whittany: So we paid off the kitchen staff to switch chocolate cake with this.
Blythe: What is it? [Gags]
Brittany: Horseradish and, like, catfish parfait!
Blythe: Ew! Water, water! 
Brittany: Everyone looks at us and thinks of, like, the best gelato ever! 
Blythe: But they'll associate me with the hideous taste of horseradish and catfish!
[Marching band]


Are boring

[Biskit Twins]
And not much fun
And usually, we do not like to run
But this isn't gym class, so it's okay
Just vote for us and do everything we say!

Two for one, it has to be
Two for one, you for me
And me for you, like, totally
Two for you, you for me!

Vote for us, us
'Cause you must, must, must!

Vote for us, yeah
'Cause you must, must, must!

Two for one is, like,
Our favorite sale

My hair is dark

Mine is like, pale!

[Biskit Twins]
And if someone but us
Has the nerve to win
Then they will have to deal
With the Biskit Twins!

Two for one, it has to be
Two for one, you for me
And me for you, like, totally
Two for you, you for me!

Vote for us, us
'Cause you must, must, must

Vote for us, yeah
'Cause you must, must, must

Vote for us, us
'Cause you must, must, must

Vote for us, us, yeah
Vote for us!

(The buzzing sound in the day camp gets louder and louder.)
Zoe: What?!
Pepper: What?!
Zoe: What did you say?!
Pepper: I didn't say anything!
Penny Ling: Did you call my name?!
Pepper: Does anything sound like Penny Ling?!
Zoe & Penny Ling: Yes! 
Minka: Less yelling! Why can't you be more like Sunil?!
Zoe: Sunil, why isn't this soul-killing racket bothering you?!
Minka: It's like he doesn't even hear it!
Pepper: Of course not! He's using his mind control techniques!
Penny Ling: Ooh, let's try it!
Minka: Mind control schmind control! He's wearing earplugs!
Zoe, Pepper, & Penny Ling: Earplugs?!
Sunil: Aah! Oh, hello!
Pepper: Gimme the earplugs!
(The girls fight over Sunil's earplugs, Vinnie catches them and puts them in his ears.)
Vinnie: [Relieved sigh]
Zoe: Vinnie's got the earplugs! Get him!
Sunil: [Groans]

Russell: You can put the pencils over there, Vinnie. Blythe, how'd it go with your chocolate cake speech today?
Blythe: The twins sabotaged it, big time.
Russell: Hmm, well, that's unfortunate.
Blythe: Yeah, they're great at dirty campaigning, and tomorrow's our big debate. I just don't know how to fight the Biskits.
Vinnie: You have to fight Biskits with Biskits.
Blythe: What do you mean, Vinnie?
Vinnie: Well, [Stammering] I say that to beat the Biskits, you have to think like they do. 
Blythe: I'm not sure I can or even want to try that.
Vinnie: Oh, it's easy. Whenever you get an idea, think of something silly and it'll leave your brain. Whoooo! Trust me, it works! Pick a subject.
Blythe: Hmm, okay. The moon.
Vinnie: The moon. The moon is round and bright and cows jump over it in the nursery rhymes. I'll bet some cows fly faster than others. Why don't cows just stay put and then different kinds of grass fields could slide underneath them?
Russell: ["I don't know" sound]
Vinnie: Oh, cows eat grass and give milk! Gosh, I'd love a big glass of milk! [To Russell] Hey, d'you know how to make chocolate pudding? Wait, what were we talking about? Am I supposed to be somewhere?! Oh! Oh, no! I might be late to a party! My apologies to the host!
Russell: Errrr... most diverting. But you must stay the course, Blythe! Keep fighting the Biskits with solid issues, don't back down now! Blythe? Did you hear what I just said?
(Vinnie scratches himself with the eraser end of a pencil.)
Russell: Ugh! Really, Vinnie, Blythe has to use these! [Sniffs] Ooooh!

Principal Morris: Welcome to the class president candidates' debate. Since Blythe won the coin toss, she'll go first.
Whittany: Ugh, I used our double-headed coin, but she called heads before we did!
Brittany: Whatever.
Blythe: Fellow students, I promise to be accessible to you all and will be your advocate. Most importantly, I will do my best to rid the school of the terrible new bottled water.
Sue: Woo! Go Blythe! Yeah!
Blythe: Hey!
Whittany: Who, like, cares about water bottles? We promise to do cool stuff, like line the inside of every locker with faux fur!
[Students muttering]
Brittany: And, like, add a gossip column to the school newspaper!
[Interested chatter]
Whittany: We pledge to make gym uniforms 90% cuter!
Brittany: But the best reason you should vote for us is we're two people!
Whittany: And she's just one!
Biskits: Two for one! 
Students: Two for one! Two for one! Two for one! Two for one!
Blythe: Er, in regard to your assertion...
Biskits: [Gasp]
Whittany: In re-who to our what?
Vinnie: You have to fight Biskits with Biskits.
Blythe: Well, I'll make the gym uniforms 100% cuter! And besides, two is too many; like, one is fun!
Students: One is fun! One is fun! One is fun! One is fun!
Whittany: OMG, she's, like, trying to out-Biskit us!
Brittany: What is happening?! Ugh! Let's go!
Students: [Chanting] Blythe! [Cheering]
Blythe: Like, totes thanks and whatever. 
Jasper: Blythe's acting like the Biskits?
Youngmee: She's gone rogue!
Sue: Like, uh-oh!
Students: [Chanting] Blythe!

Pepper: Humm, humm, humm, humm!
Penny Ling: Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!
Zoe: Well, it's official - we've lost our minds!
Russell: There's got to be one quiet spot in this place! Maybe against the wall!
Penny Ling: No! Russell, don't do it! It's even louder over there! Louder, I say!
Zoe: The panda's right! She's right!
Pepper: Which means it's probably coming from inside the wall! [To Zoe] Find it, girl! Find it!
Zoe: [Sniffing]
Penny Ling: Hey, it stopped!
Vinnie: Ahhh, the wall is melting!
Sunil: Oh, that's disgusting!
Russell: Hmm... [Sniffs] Actually, it's honey. We've got bees! Aah, bees! 
Penny Ling: Maybe Mrs. Twombly should know about the bees.
Zoe: I've got this. [Barking]
Mrs. Twombly: Oh, my! What on earth is it, Zoe? Is Timmy stuck in the well?
Zoe: [Barking]
Mrs. Twombly: [Sniffing] Goodness gracious! Honey bees have built a hive inside our wall! Stay back, sweeties! Fortunately, I was once an amateur bee keeper, so I can r***ve the hive. [Dials phone] Hello, Honey Bee Acres? I was wondering if your farm had enough room for one more hive?

Blythe: Vinnie! Your advice worked like a charm!
Vinnie: Aah! [Thud] It did? [Scoff] I mean, of course it did! What advice?
Blythe: You know, fight Biskit with Biskit. I thought like the Biskits, I talked like the Biskits; I made as much sense as the Biskits, too.
Russell: But, Blythe, what about the serious issues that drew you into the political fray to begin with?
Blythe: Right now, it's all about doing what I need to do to get elected. And if that means forgoing all the issues and acting all Biskit-y, then that's what I'll do. I gotta go un-study up for the big election day speech tomorrow.
Russell: What. Just. Happened?!

[Rooster cawing]
Blythe: [Scratchy voice] Good morning, everyone.
Minka: Shh!
Blythe: Uh, excuse me? Ah!
Mrs. Twombly: Don't worry, Blythe! [Laugh] It's only me! I'm r***ving a bee hive from the wall.
Blythe: Wow, Mrs. Twombly, I didn't know you were a bee keeper.
Mrs. Twombly: Oh, Blythe, your voice sound scratchy!
Blythe: I know, I'm a little hoarse from all my speech giving.
Mrs. Twombly: Some of this fresh honey with l***n is just the thing for your tired vocal cords. I wonder if the bees would mind if I scooped some up for you? [Giggles]
Blythe: I'll find out. Would you bees mind if I take a little of your honey for my sore throat?
Bees: Be our guest!
Blythe: Thanks. Funny, but I feel like I've seen you all before.
Bees: Hmm, could be.
Blythe: Oh, I'm going to be late for school! Gotta run!
Sunil: [Yelp] [Thud]
Bee Sunil: [Yelp] [Thud]

Mrs. Twombly: Oh, I can't believe Blythe left for school without the jar of honey! Oh, I hope her voice holds out until I can get it to her.
Russell: Looks like I'll have one last chance to talk Blythe out of acting Biskit-y.
Vinnie: [Scoff] Bad campaign strategy, Russell. Blythe's finally making headway against the Biskits, thanks to my advice. 
Russell: Alright, then. We'll just have to see whose advice she takes.

Blythe: Ahh. I sure could use some water for my throat.
Biskits: [Gulping] Ahhhhh.
Blythe: Be right back! Oh, no - empty! I can still catch the delivery guy! Excuse me, I could really use some water!
Water Delivery Man: Told you you'd get used to it.
Blythe: What the what?
[Car horn]
Mrs. Twombly: Blythe! You forgot this honey for your throat.
Blythe: Oh, thanks, Mrs. Twombly. Mmm! Ah, that's awesome, Mrs. Twombly!
Russell: Blythe! Please, Blythe, don't act Biskit-y anymore! Stand up for the issues you believe in!
Vinnie: Blythe, you wanna win, don't listen to him!
Blythe: Don't worry, Russell. Sorry, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Ooh, a butterfly!
Principal Morris: First up is Blythe Baxter and her final campaign speech of the election. 
Blythe: Thank you, Principal Morris. Fellow students, I owe you an apology. I promised you things I don't really believe just to get elected, and I forgot the original reason I got into the race to begin with. Well, no more of that. I have just learned why Whittany and Brittany decided to run against me.
Biskits: Huh?
Blythe: Check out the fine print on the water bottle delivery truck. Biskit Enterprises. 100% non-biodegradable bottle content. So their father's company supplies the non-eco-friendly, flimsy bottled water we're stuck with.
Blythe: For the next 58 years! Your rebuttal, ladies?
Brittany: Ah! You're rebuttal, Blythe Baxter!
Whittany: We don't have to take your insults!
Biskits: We're, like, so out of here! [Bang!] [Screaming] Ewwwwww!
[Students cheering]

Russell: Blythe, how'd the election turn out?
Blythe: I couldn't be happier! I lost!
Russell & Vinnie: You lost?
Blythe: And I also learned that politics isn't for me. But on the bright side, the Biskits didn't win either. And the best part is, the school agreed to bring back the old eco-friendly, better-bottled bottled water.
Russell: But what about the election?
Blythe: Well, at the bottom of the voting ballot was a line for a write-in candidate. Since everyone was sick of the campaign, they just wrote "reboot election". It turns out that "reboot election" is the name of a newly arrived exchange student. He won by a landslide!
Vinnie: [Sneezes] Hey, a pencil! 

[End credits]

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