Lights, Camera, Mongoose!/Transcript

Transcript
Previous:	So You Skink You Can Dance
Episode:	Lights, Camera, Mongoose!
Next:	Trading Places

[Indian music]

[Tiger roars]

Villager #1: [Shriek]

Villagers: [Screaming] Run for your lives!

Villager #2: She'll eat us all!

[Tiger roar]

[Cats meowing]

Trapper: And ma makes four! Get ready to sleep, tiger! [Grunt]

[Smack!]

Trapper: [Groan]

[Tiger purring]

Pets: [Cheering]

Vinnie: Yeah, right! Pfft! Yeah, like that could ever happen.

Pepper: Ah, don't be a hater, Vinnie. This is the latest romantic comedy musical action adventure starring the mongoose superstar Shahrukh! He's the best!

Vinnie: Meh, not a fan.

(Minka dumps a bowl of popcorn on his head.)

[theme song]

(Sunil turns the TV off.)

Pets: [Chatter]

Sunil: Please, please. The magic trick I'm about to show you is far better than watching any silly DVD.

[Sigh] What is it this time, Sunil?

Sunil: Well, you've seen me make things disappear before.

Yeah, and my eyebrows have finally grown back!

Sunil: Pepper, this time I'm going to do a new, improved version of my disappearing trick. Something I call... the ol' switcheroo! [Beat] I, along with someone from the audience, will disappear, travel through space, and reappear in each others' place! Now, I need a volunteer to assist me in this most amazing feat of magic! (Points a finger at Penny Ling) You.

Penny Ling: *gasp* No?

Sunil: Mm-hmm...

Penny Ling: Nuh-uh.

Sunil: Yes...

Penny Ling: No.

Sunil: Yeeesss.

Penny Ling: No!

Sunil: YES!

(Penny Ling hesitantly joins him.)

Sunil: Now, miss, have we ever met before?

Penny Ling: Yes?

Sunil: [Ahem] Have we ever met before, miss? Hm?

Penny Ling: I'll say... no?

Sunil: Excellent. Now prepare yourselves for the ol' switcheroo!

Sunil: [Humming] [Bellowing] Sunil, Sunil, Sunil-ify!

[Poof] (Penny Ling disappears in a cloud of smoke.)

Pets: [Amazed sounds]

Sunil: Woohoo-hoo! I did it!

Vinnie: You only half did it, David Copperfail. Where's Penny Ling?

Sunil: [Nervous sounds]

[Door opens]

Mrs. Twombly: Welcome to Littlest Pet Shop, if you need any help just give a yelp.

Penny Ling: Hey, everybody! 

All: Penny Ling!

Vinnie: Two ears, two eyes, four legs, and... one tail. [Exhale] Everything's here.

Penny Ling: You'll never guess what I just saw! They're filming a movie down the street starring our favorite animal star, Shahrukh!

Vinnie: Meh, not a fan.

Sunil: Wait, I transported you all the way down the street? Wow! My trick worked better than I thought! I am a great magician!

Zoe: Sunil, please. Now, how are we going to get on the set to see Shahrukh?!

Minka: We could fill a giant balloon with helium and float over!

Pepper: We could deliver a few unordered pizzas, heh!

Sunil: I know a way.. the magical way!

All sans Sunil: No!

Russell: Hey, why don't we just ask Blythe to take us over there?

All sans Sunil: [Agreement]

Sunil: Well, you want to do it the easy way...

Blythe: Wow, this place is really buzzing!

Penny Ling: I told you this was exciting! 

Blythe: How exactly did you find out this was going on, Penny Ling?

Sunil: I magically transported her over here.

Blythe: Who to the what now?

Sunil: Sorry, I cannot reveal how I did it.

Pepper: Mainly 'cause he doesn't know.

Sunil: That's not why! It's part of the magician's code - not how to reveal how a trick is done.

Guard: This is a closed set, miss.

[Whimpering]

Guard: And I don't do cute. So take your critters and their fleas and move along.

Vinnie: Ha! Is he for real? Geckos can't get fleas! And some think I'm dumb!

Blythe: Come on guys, we'd better go.

Pepper: Aw, what are we gonna do now?

Blythe: I dunno, it's gonna be tough to get past Tiny over there.

Vinnie: That guy is anything but tiny, Blythe! Sheesh, I'm feeling like Alfred Einshine today!

Sunil: Well, I can always make that guard... disappear!

All sans Sunil: No!

P.A.: Okay, here's Shahrukh's schedule. At 7:15 the mongoose is busy, at 7:30 he's even busier, and at 7:45 he's so busy that we need to come up with a new word for busy. 

Shahrukh: [Groan] No me time.

Director: Shahrukh, they need you on the set now.

Vinnie: [Gasp] It's him! It's the mongoose extraordinaire Shahrukh! [Faints]

Russell: (Tongue-in-cheek) Not a fan, huh?

Penny Ling: Is it really him?

Shahrukh: Yes, it is I, Shahrukh!

Pepper: I've seen all your movies! Planet of the Mongoose, The Fantastic Mr. Mongoose, oh, and my favorite part in My Mongoose 3D. Ohhh!

Shahrukh: I thank you very much, you are very kind. (Turns to look at Sunil) Have we met before? You look very familiar.

Blythe: He should, he looks just like you!

Shahrukh: I don't see it.

Sunil: Me neither.

Blythe: Sorry, it's just the whiskers, the tail, the little black eyes, the fur.

Shahrukh: Pfft, humans.

Fangirl: Oh my gosh! It's Shahrukh!

Shahrukh: [Gasp] Uh-oh, I must go now!

[Fangirls screaming]

Blythe: Wow, that little guy is way popular. Oh no, I didn't realize what time it was! I don't want to be late for my ice sculpting class.

Russell: Ice sculpting?

Blythe: Jasper's idea. And as he likes to say, ice waits for no one. Which is true, 'cause then it just turns to water.

[Scooter revving]

[Car horn]

Blythe: Oh, that's my ride. I'll see you guys later!

Shahrukh: Hello!

Vinnie: It's him again! Shahrukh! [Faint]

Zoe: [Gasp] What on earth are you doing here?

Shahrukh: I needed to get away, I am tired of being famous and passed over!

Sunil: At least everyone appreciates your mega talent!

Shahrukh: But at what price? I cannot make you understand. But if you think it's so great, you should just try being me for a while.

Pepper: Ah, quit hoggin' him, Sunil! We wanna hear about his fabulous life!

Sunil: I will try being you for a while, and I bet it will be great!

Sunil: Pfft! [Scoff] I bet those guys don't even know I'm gone. Well, who needs them?! Hmph! They never appreciated me or my magical talent anyway!

P.A.: Shahrukh! Oh, there you are! You've got to stop taking those two-hour lunch breaks; they need you in makeup right away!

Penny Ling: Oh, Shahrukh, tell us what it's like to be an international pet superstar!

[Shahrukh]

Get on your knees and bow right down

I'll sing you a song of my renown

When you're a famous pet like me

You look at your life a little differently

Just one servant is not enough

I need a least a dozen to hold my stuff

And when I go shop right down the street

I take my jet to spare my feet

Shahrukh: Water please! What... What is this?!

Russell: Uh, it's water!

Shahrukh: What?! No bubbles?!

Russell: Ugh...

[Choir]

Oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh, hey!

[Shahrukh]

A butler stands by every door

To open it myself seems such a chore

I've got more money than you can see

My Swiss bank account's in Germany

One course, two course, three course, four

Every meal takes three hours or more

Steak's too thick, well, what do I do?

I just pay somebody else to chew

[Choir]

Oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh, hey!

[Shahrukh]

I got an honorary degree

From every single major university

I think it's funny but don't ask me

I pay other people to laugh for me

Shahrukh: Oh, my! Why am I still standing? Pick me up! Ah, much better. Dance solo! Oh, bring it down! Shake what your mama gave you! Yes, move it, move it, move it! I like what I see! I'm not doing it, but you do it so well! That's right!

If you ask me, it's just not fair

Everywhere I go, all the people stare

But it's not hard to feel envy

When I'm head to toe in jewelry

That's my life as a superstar

You can see it's not an easy thing by far

Now I'm going to count to three

And I want you all to cry for me

Hey!

Shahrukh: [Groan] Someone wipe my brow, I am feeling some moisture.

Sunil: [Giggling] [Sneezing] Hm? Ohhh! 

Stylist: Oh, Shahrukh! I never knew you could do magic! Such a talent!

Director: I need the mongoose on the set!

[Whirring]

[Fan blowing]

Director: And... action! Ugh, cut! Shahrukh, baby, what's the matter with you? You know what to do when I yell "action", right? [Laughs] Cute. Now remember to hit your mark!

Sunil: [Terrified whimper]

Shahrukh: I thirst. [Slurp] [Spit] Colder.

Pepper: [Mumbling]

Shahrukh: [Slurp] Adequate. Victor, I need your help. 

Vinnie: Choreographing your next big Bollywood dance number?

Shahrukh: [Scoff] Are you insane? I just need you to turn on the TV. (Vinnie turns on the TV.) You're no longer needed, begone.

Russell: And to think this guy didn't want to be fussed over.

Blythe: Hey, what do you guys think of my ice sculpture of Mrs. T? (Sees the pets pampering Shahrukh) Wow. This is Sunil's best trick yet.

Shahrukh: Mmm. 

Blythe: Uh, what's going on here? Why are you guys all waiting on Sunil hand and paw?

Russell: Oh, this isn't Sunil, it's the fabulous international movie star Shahrukh.

Blythe: How did this happen?

Vinnie: He followed us back from the movie set and said he was tired of being a star and having people do stuff for him.

Shahrukh: I need someone to make my eyes blink! I shouldn't have to do this myself! [Groan] 

Blythe: So, if Shahrukh is here taking Sunil's place, Sunil is on the movie set taking Shahrukh's place?

Russell: Hmm. Somehow when you say it, it sounds bad.

Blythe: Aah, I gotta go get him!

Shahrukh: Don't hurry back! Now, who wants to rub my feet?

Stylist: There, now that should keep your feet nice and protected for your next scene.

P.A.: [Over walkie-talkie] Shahrukh is ready for the walking across hot coals scene!

Sunil: Huh? 

[Scooter revving]

Blythe: Penny Ling, what are you doing in there?

Penny Ling​​​​​​: It was my turn to rub, ugh, Shahrukh's feet. Blythe, do you have any idea how we're going to find Sunil?

Blythe: Not a one.

P.A.: [Over walkie-talkie] Bringing the mongoose to the new location. Repeat, bringing the mongoose to the new location.

Guard: Roger that.

Blythe: Okay, I'm sure that once we tell them they have the wrong mongoose, they'll let us on the set. [To the guard] Uh, excuse me, sir? I need to get on the set to get my mongoose.

Guard: Your mongoose? Shahrukh is an employee of Big Time Pictures, a subsidiary of Jumbo Jammies Baking Company, whose parent corporation is We Own Everything, Inc.

Blythe: Wow, really? Well, all those companies have the wrong mongoose. That's Sunil in there, not Shahrukh.

Guard: [Laughs] Wow, girl. I thought I heard 'em all.

P.A.: [Over walkie-talkie] Bringing the mongoose to the roof for the bungee-jumping scene.

Sunil: [Terrified screams over walkie-talkie]

Blythe: That's my mongoose, and he says he wants to come home!

Guard: You know what I heard him say? [Imitating mongoose] I think it means "get lost, goofy girl".

Blythe: We gotta get that walkie-talkie.

Penny Ling​​​​​​: I'm on it! [Growl] 

Guard: No, I want three Hawaiian and two pepperoni-

Penny Ling​​​​​​: Raaaaaar!

[Whack!]

Penny Ling​​​​​​: (Blows raspberry)

Guard: Hey, large-headed panda, come back here!

(Listening to music)

Russell: Okay, guys, we've got to convince Shahrukh to leave before he drives us all completely nuts.

Vinnie: Heard that.

Minka: Of course you did, he's standing right next to you. I mean why wouldn't you hear it? It's not like he mumbled it or something. I heard it too. Or am I talking to much right now that there's something I didn't hear?

Russell: [Clears throat] What we know is that our guest likes to be comfortable. So the best way to get rid of him is to make him as uncomfortable as possible. Here's what we do... [Whispering]

Shahrukh: Refill! I should not have even had to ask!

Zoe: Refill? You don't need a refill. 

[Zoe]

I think you need

To hear a song

About the Pet Shop Pets

And what we think is going on!

So, Listen up

To what we say!

'Cause we're all friends here

And we play throughout the da-ay!

(Pepper sprays him with her boutonniere.)

Shahrukh: [Scream] What is the meaning of this?!

Pepper: No meaning, it's... comedy!

Vinnie: Hey, Shahrukh, you're a dancer. Can you show me how to put more cha in my cha-cha!

Shahrukh: No!

Vinnie: I just need help with my spins!

(Spins him around in a dancing twister)

Shahrukh: [Groan] I have had it with you pets! I came here for some peace and quiet!

[Squirt]

Minka: Can I paint you?

Shahrukh: [Mortified] I think you've just did!

Minka: Let me know if this tickles.

Shahrukh: [Laughing] Stop! Stop that! This is no way for an international superstar to live! I need to get out of here!

P.A. #2: All ready for the bungee jump scene?

P.A.: Roger that. Mongoose all ready.

Sunil: [Gasp] (Tries to make a run for it)

[Crash]

P.A.: Careful there, little guy! We can't have you getting hurt! Now, up on the ledge and jump off!

Sunil: [Whimper]

P.A.: Huh. I'm pretty sure this thing was fixed after last week's incident.

Sunil: [Scream]

Blythe: [Over walkie-talkie] Sunil? Sunil, are you there!

Sunil: Blythe?! Blythe! Get me out of here!

Blythe: Sunil, I can't get past the security guard. You're gonna have to get yourself out of there.

Sunil: It is impossible as there seems to be no way out of here.

Blythe: Use your magic!

Sunil: Blythe, sadly, I must face the fact that I am not a good magician. I am a magic hack.

Penny Ling: No you're not, Sunil. You switcheroo'd me all the way down the block. No hack could do that.

Sunil: Well, yes, I suppose that is true.

Blythe: And that's your way out, Sunil, the old switcheroo!

Sunil: The old switcheroo?

Director: Action! I said, [Megahorn] action!

Sunil: [Shriek] Sunil, Sunil, Sunil-ify!

[Poof]

​​​​​​Shahrukh: ​Whooooooooo-hoooooooo! Whoo-hoo! Shahrukh is back where he belongs!

Blythe: [Gasp] Did you hear that?

Penny Ling: [Laugh] His trick worked!

Sunil: [Poof] [Shriek] It worked! [Celebrating] I'm back in Littlest Pet Shop! Whoo-hoo! The old switcheroo trick worked, I'm back! 

Vinnie: Your front, your sides, face, head, tail - all of you! 

Russell: Sunil, you are a great magician!

Blythe: You sure are! 

Pepper: We all think so, Sunil.

Zoe: And we should've told you so.

Sunil: I am appreciative of your appreciation. But you know what I really want to appreciate?

Blythe: What, Sunil?

Sunil: My very ordinary life here with all of you.

All: Aww!

Penny Ling: Well, Sunil, as far as I'm concerned, you can practice your magic any time.

Sunil: Excellent, because I need a volunteer for this new trick I've been working on. It won't hurt a bit. (Sees everyone has disappeared) Wow, what do you know? I made everybody... disappear!

[End credits]