Previous: Sweet Pepper
Episode: Shanghai Hi-Jinks
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Blythe: Just one more, and... 
Mrs. Twombly: [Shrieks]
Blythe: Gaah! You okay, Mrs. Twombly?
Mrs. Twombly: Ohh! Oh my, yes. I just got an e-mail invitation to a Chinese New Year celebration in China!
Blythe: Where in China?
Mrs. Twombly: Shanghai. They're honoring me as the originator and woo-hoo master of kung fu quilting.
Blythe: As our guest of honor, you and your family are invited to attend a special cer***ny which will also celebrate the final day of the Chinse New Year. Wow! Congratulations, Mrs. T! And don't worry, I'll see to things here while you're overseas.
Mrs. Twombly: I am not going!
Blythe: What the huh?!

[theme song ]

Blythe: Mrs. Twombly, what do you mean you're not going to Shanghai? It'll be a great trip for you and your family.
Mrs. Twombly: Oh, that's the problem - I don't have any family to go with me. My sister and sole sibling is stationed in the South Pole on a top-secret mission for the next two years. There's no way she can get away to go with me.
Blythe: Sorry to hear that, Mrs. T; but you know, my dad and I and the pets are also your family. We'd all love to go with you.
Mrs. Twombly: Yes. Well, that would be lovely, but...
Blythe: And as long as you have a pet, or seven, you also get to travel on the Pet Jet!
Mrs. Twombly: Hmm... Oh, ho ho! Well, Blythe, looks like we're all going to China!
Blythe: Great news, everyone! We're all going to China!
Russell: Did you just say we're going to China?
Blythe: I did!
Vinnie: I thought china was the stuff you eat on?
Sunil: [Laughs] Sweet, ignorant Vinnie! China's the place that makes a lot of the stuff you eat on!
Russell: Yes, China is a major global exporter as well as dinnerware. But why are we going there?
​​​Penny Ling: Isn't it obvious? To meet my relatives, of course! Pandas are from China! 
Blythe: Well, maybe you can meet some of your relatives when we're there, Penny Ling. But actually, we're going because Mrs. Twombly is being honored at a cer***ny in Shanghai for being the originator of kung fu quilting. Her family was also invited, and we're her family! Your owners said they'd love for you to be there for Mrs. Twombly.
Pets: [Cheering]
Russell: Yeah, China!

Mrs. Twombly: People of Shanghai, in accepting this great honor, I must compliment you on your exemplary hospitality... Oh, that's terrible! You're not accepting a doctorate in quantum physics here, Twombly, for goodness sake! Gotta sell 'em a load of clams and leave 'em wanting more!
Blythe: Keep rewriting, Mrs. T. You'll nail it.
Mrs. Twombly: Ohhh, I guess I'm just nervous about public speaking. Oh, but I'm also about this trip!
Blythe: Me too! It'll be a great chance for me to get some design inspirations for the upcoming pet fashion expo!
Roger: Psst! Blythe!
Blythe: Uh, what is it, dad?
Roger: [Laughs] Ooh, I just wanted to tell you that there's something I can't tell you!
Blythe: Oo-kay. Well, can you give me a hint?
Roger: Okay, it's something I want to do for Mrs. Twombly's cer***ny. Ah, I've already said too much! Blythie, you do have a way of getting things out of me!
Blythe: Hey, everybody. I wanted to talk to you about Mrs. Twombly's cer***ny.
Pets: [Chatter]
Blythe: Uh, where's Penny?
Pepper: Well, ever since she found out she's gonna meet her relatives, she's been in her own world, staring at herself in the mirror.
Blythe: Oh, well. I'll have to fill her in later. I wanted to show you all this.
Vinnie & Sunil: [Screaming] A dragon!
Russell: Don't be silly, it's not a dragon! It's a Chinese dragon puppet!
Blythe: That's right, Russell. These puppets are part of the New Year celebration. I thought it'd be great for you guys all to work together to build it, then you'll each fit inside and perform a traditional dance for Mrs. T's cer***ny. She'll love it!
Sunil: Pardon me, Blythe, but why is it that we would want to dance while wearing this dragon costume?
Blythe: It's all part of the Chinese New Year celebration, and according to tradition, when accompanied by drumbeats, the dance is said to banish evil spirits!
Vinnie & Sunil: [Screaming] Evil spirits! 
Russell: Oh, you guys are too - whoa whoa whoa! Did you say... spirits?! As in, g-g-g-ghosts?! (Curls up into a ball)
Blythe: Oh, I'm sure it's all part of the tradition. And even if there are evil spirits, Vinnie can dance them away. Right, Vinnie?
Vinnie: Right! Don't worry, guys; I'm gonna dance like no one in a Chinese dragon puppet has ever danced before!
Pepper: Oh, we're not worried.
Minka: But I think Russell might be.
Zoe: Oh, that's right, Russell! You're just a tad afraid of ghosts, aren't you?
Russell: Ghosts and [Gulp] marshmallows!
Zoe: Look out, Russell! There's a marshmallow ghost!
Russell: [Yelp] [Scream]
Zoe, Pepper, & Minka: [Laughing]
Russell: That's not funny!
Penny Ling: Meeting my family will answer so many questions I have about myself, like, I wonder if everyone in my family has a cute little belly, like I do! Or if they all have really big eyes, like I do! Or if they have two colors of polish on their toenails, like I do!
Blythe: I'm not sure you can inherit painted toenails, Penny Ling. But you can find out for sure because Mrs. Twombly's cer***ny is being held at the Shanghai wildlife preserve, where they have a large panda population. Look.
Penny Ling: [Gasp] Wow! That's where my relatives live!
Blythe: What a crazy coincidence!
Penny Ling: Yeah, you couldn't write this stuff!
(Fantasy sequence)
Penny Ling: Hey, panda relatives!
Pandas: Penny Ling!
Penny Ling: Yes, it's me, your American relative!
Ling Jun: We've been waiting for you a long time!
Jun Ling: Let me see your nails!
Penny Ling: Pretty!
Ling Jun: And look -
Ling Jun & Jun Ling: Tummy!
Ling Pen: And look!
Penny Ling: Wow, so much like me! You guys really are...
All: Family!
Penny Ling: [Sighs]

(The Pet Jet lands in China)
Penny Ling: Okay, I'm ready, Blythe. Can we go meet my family now?
Blythe: Okay, Penny Ling. Let me just check in with everyone before we go. [To Roger] We're going to the wildlife preserve, dad. Did you want to join us?
Roger: No can do, Blythie; I gotta work on my surprise for Mrs. Twombly's cer***ny. You go ahead and have fun, though.
[Door opens]
Mrs. Twombly: [Kung fu noises] 
Blythe: Practicing for your big night, huh?
Mrs. Twombly: Oh! Oh, yes. I am a little rusty.
Blythe: Well, you look great.
Mrs. Twombly: To you, maybe; but I'm going to be in front of devoted kung fu quilters. I've got to be on top of my game! [Kung fu noises]
Penny Ling: Ohh! Can we go now?
Blythe: Just one more check-in. How's the dragon puppet coming along?
Russell: Great! Your drawing is very precise.
Zoe: And this fabric you chose is faboo!
Pepper: But, Blythe, has it been treated?
Blythe: Treated with what?
Pepper: With ghost repellant!
Zoe, Pepper, & Minka: [Laughing]
Russell: Mmm-maybe you can pick up some ghost repellant while you're at it?
[Door closes]
Penny Ling: [Whining] Oh, can we go now?
Blythe: Okay, let's go!

Blythe: So Penny Ling, on the way to the wildlife preserve, I thought we could check out the historic bundt district, then visit the Yu Yung garden, then check out the marketplace...
Penny Ling: Okay, but can we take the really fast shuttle tour?
Blythe: [Laughs] The really fast shuttle tour! Funny!
[Tires screech]
Blythe: The Really Fast Shuttle Tour. Sounds like the tour for us!
Blythe & Penny Ling: Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Oof!
Penny Ling: Great shot of the bundt district, Blythe.
Blythe: Had to get a shot of the famous jade rock in Yu Yung Garden.
Penny Ling: Pretty!
Blythe: Great shot of that Chinese junk, huh, Penny Ling?
Penny Ling: Ooh. Blythe, that's not nice to call that boat junk.
Blythe: But that's what they're called in China - junks.
Penny Ling: Oh! 
[Tires screech]
Penny Ling: Come on, Blythe! I can't wait to finally meet my Chinese panda relatives!
Blythe: You go on, Penny Ling, I've got to try to fix this mess on my head. I'll catch up with you later.

Sunil: Do you really think this puppet and its corresponding dance will repel any evil spirits we may encounter tomorrow night?
Vinnie: With my great choreography, all of you and Penny Ling too, we got nothing to worry about!
Russell: I sure hope you're right, Vinnie! 
Zoe: Oh, us too, Vinnie!
Pepper: Yeah, tell us again how we're gonna keep the ghosts away!
Zoe, Pepper, & Minka: [Ghost noises]
Vinnie: With pleasure.

Vinnie: [Grunting]

I'm the one dancer no ghost can lick
Sending evil spirits packing with my lizard scissor kick
I spin like a butterfly, sting like a bee
You're a ghost? So what? You still don't scare me

Oops, watch out! Nope, you didn't see that
I twinkle on my toes and one, two, three, splat
Every pirouette spin is faster than lightning
If there's anything I'm good at, it's dance fu fighting

[Terra Cotta Warrior Chief]
I'm the Terra Cotta King, you don't stand a chance
I've got a hundred ancient warriors just waiting to dance
Every kick, step in perfect synchronization
The undefeated ghost army of the dance fu nation

You've been buried in the ground since ancient times
I know trees who are better at busting out rhymes
Your moves are so old they're all covered in rust
****are your ghost army to be turned to dust

A little do-se-do step and then repeat
This is one dance where I step on your feet
I spin like a dervish just try and run
That's ghost army zero to one hundred and one

Vinnie: Hi-yah!
[Pets laughing and cheering]
[Thunder crashes]

[Chinese Dragon]
What's the problem, Vinnie? You look a little scared
Not used to fighting dragons? Better start to ****are
My entire body is a dance fu fighting machine
I'll eat five of you for breakfast and still stay lean

Trained in the ancient art of dance war
I'll scare you to death then bring you back for more
I see your puny moves, it's a dancing fail
Now ****are to get schooled by my dance fu tail

You're big, I'll admit you got that going
But oops, watch out, I think your clumsy is showing
You call yourself a dragon? You can't even blow fire
Now grab a cane and sit back, you're about to retire

Vinnie: [Grunts] Boo.
Chinese Dragon: [Whimpering]
Pets: [Cheering]
Minka: Whew! Poor Penny Ling - she missed a heck of a fantasy!

Penny Ling: Hello! I'm Penny Ling, and I'm your long lost cousin!
Ling Pen: Mm. Are you speaking to me? 
Penny Ling: Oh. I am Ling Pen.
Penny Ling: I came all the way from America just to meet you, Ling Pen!
Ling Pen: I could tell you were American by your very thick accent.
Penny Ling: Uh, I have an accent?
Ling Pen: What did you say? Oh, yes! Accent, very thick. I have some grasp of what you do and say because of my love for all American movie musicals! 
Penny Ling: My, how random.
Ling Pen: These are more of your cousins, Penny Ling. This is Ling Jun and Jun Ling. They also adore American movie musicals!
Penny Ling: Hm? 
Penny Ling: Mm! Oh, well. Two out of three's not bad. It's so wonderful to meet you all! Would you like me to tell you about my life?
Ling Pen, Jun Ling, & Ling Jun: No.
Ling Pen: We already know so much about American life from movies.
Penny Ling: Oh... Well, maybe you can tell me about your life.
Ling Pen: Mm. We live here.
Jun Ling: We like American movie musicals! You must like to sing all the time in the rain! 
Penny Ling: Um... Well, not really. 
Ling Pen: Oh, well, you must like to put clickity-clacks on your feet and dance with a friend on stairs!
Penny Ling: Uh, can't say that I've done too much of that.
Ling Jun: Here, we made these, just like in the movies! You know, like this!
Ling Pen: [Singing] Come with me and you will see how much fun that it will be!
Ling Pen, Jun Ling, & Ling Jun: [Singing] ...and in the rain we sing! 
Penny Ling: Oh, my! Yes! That was wonderful! Seven song and dance numbers in a row!
Ling Pen: Thank you, cousin! We must now nap after so much dancing, but we would like you to join us tomorrow night for a tradtional family meal to celebrate Chinese New Year. You will be our guest of honor.
Penny Ling: [Gasp] Me? Your guest of honor? Oof! Of course I'll join you... cousins!
Ling Pen: Oh, and we can't wait to see your fancy American costume!
[All snoring]
Penny Ling: Tomorrow night, a traditional family meal! [Gasp] With my family!

Blythe: I'm glad we're taking the normal speed shuttle back to the hotel. So, did you enjoy yourself today, Penny Ling?
Penny Ling: Well, there were a few lulls, but mostly it was great. And isn't that what spending time with family is all about?
Blythe: Hey, maybe you could swing by before Mrs. Twombly's cer***ny tomorrow night.
Penny Ling: Well, actually, they invited me to a traditional panda family meal in my honor tomorrow night.
Blythe: But you can't miss Mrs. Twombly's cer***ny. It's the whole reason we're here, and the pets need you to help them with the dragon dance.
Penny Ling: I feel terrible about missing Mrs. Twombly's cer***ny. [Sniffs] But this dinner involves my real family! [Bawling]
Blythe: Okay, okay! Please don't cry! I'll have to let everyone know you'll miss the cer***ny and the dragon dance for... family reasons. 
Penny Ling: Oh, thank you, Blythe! I knew you'd understand! [Sniffs]
Blythe: I just hope everyone else does.

[Door opens]
Blythe: Wow! Fantastic work, everyone! You followed my design to the letter!
Russell: Yes, and we left plenty of room for you in the tail, Penny Ling.
Blythe: Right. Well, about that...
Penny Ling: I'll tell them, Blythe. You see, I met my panda relatives and they invited me to join them for a special dinner in my honor.
Russell: Whoa! Well, that's fantastic!
Penny Ling: Tomorrow night.
Pets: What?!
Russell: But, Penny, you're a crucial element of our dragon puppet!
Vinnie: You're our caboose!
Sunil: Without you, our dragon will be... draggin'!
Russell: And our dance won't be as good as it needs to be!
Penny Ling: I'm really sorry, but my family is important to me and I just have to go.
Blythe: Listen, everyone - if I know Penny Ling as well as I think I do, I'm sure she'll get back here in time.
Mrs. Twombly: Blyyyyyyyyythe!
Blythe: What's the matter, Mrs. T?
Mrs. Twombly: The hotel washed my kung fu quilting uniform in hot water!
Blythe: Oops! Okay, relax, Mrs. T. I'll have your uniform as good as new in time for tomorrow night.
Mrs. Twombly: Ohh. Thank you, Blythe; I knew you could help. Whew, I need a Manchurian tea break!
Blythe: What else could go wrong?
Penny Ling: Blyyyyyyyyythe!
Blythe: Penny Ling, what is it?
Penny Ling: I need a favor; it's really important. I need an American costume for my dinner tomorrow night.
Blythe: An American costume... Uh, what's that?
Penny Ling: I don't know, but it seems important to my family. So can you please help me? [Whimper]
Blythe: Sure, I'll... get right on it.
Penny Ling: Oh, thank you, Blythe. I'll be over there practicing my Chinese language skills. 
Blythe: [Sighs] I wonder what the Chinese word for "help" is.
Penny Ling: [Laughs] I don't know, the only word I know so far is ni-hao. It means "Hello"! Ni hao! Ni hao! Ni hao! Ni hao! Ni hao! Ni hao! Ni hao!

[Chinese music]
Russell: Oh, a full house!
Zoe: Ooh, does that include the evil spirits?
Russell: It might, since Penny Ling not being here won't allow us to operate the puppet properly! And despite what you said, Blythe, I don't see her anywhere!
Blythe: I still think our little panda will come through.
Russell: I sure hope you're right; we don't have long before we go on!
Penny Ling: Ni hao!
Ling Pen: Oh, very good Chinese! But your accent is still very thick. What is this you are wearing?
Penny Ling: It's an American costume, just like you asked. Blythe made it for me last night; I'm the Statue of Liberty. 
Ling Jun: Ooh. What movie musical was this liberty statue in?
Penny Ling: Oh, is that what you wanted, a musical costume?
Ling Pen: Oh, well. Come, let us eat!
Penny Ling: [Sniffs] Eeeew, it smells like Pepper when she's not very happy!
Ling Pen: [Sniffs] Ah! It is called stinky tofu, we like it very much. Mm! [Chuckles]
Panda Elder: [Speaking Mandarin]
Penny Ling: Who to the what now?
Ling Pen: Panda elder says that the more it stinks, the better its flavor.
Penny Ling: [Groans]
Russell: Where is Penny?! We're nearly on!
Sunil: How can we do a dragon dance to keep the evil spirits away without her?
[Mic feedback]
M.C.: Ladies and gentlemen, to begin our cer***ny, please enjoy a special dance for our guest of honor, Anna Twombly.
Mrs. Twombly: Ooh! [Giggle]
Blythe: Vinnie, you can do this! For Mrs. Twombly!
Vinnie: Okay, I'll amp up my dancing!

Ling Pen: Now, as part of our celebration, it is time to perform a traditional dragon dance.
Penny Ling: [Gasp] Ooh! I know about this, it's to ward off the evil spirits!
Ling Pen: Oh, uh... So sorry, Penny Ling, but there is no room for you in our dragon puppet.
Penny Ling: Ohhh. I really don't fit in here. But I know where I do fit in!
[Chinese music]
(The pets' dragon puppet gets caught on a nail.)
Vinnie: Ah, we got too much butt balast! Everyone, hold up your sections! I'll try to steer her out of this tailspin!
[Crowd gasping]
Blythe: Oh, no!
Penny Ling: Ni hao, everyone!
Russell: Ah! Penny Ling! Oh, thank goodness, you got here just in time! Can you set us free? 
Penny Ling: [Straining]
[Crowd oohing]
[Cheers and applause]
Pets: [Cheering]
Sunil: Colossal footwork as usual, Vinnie!
Penny Ling: I'm sorry for being late, everyone, and for even leaving in the first place. You're all my real family as much as any of my relatives.
M.C.: Now I'd like to introduce tonight's guest of honor, Mrs. Anna Twombly! 
[Crowd cheering]
M.C.: We present to you this plaque in recognition of your contribution to the art of kung fu quilting as its woo-hoo master and originator!
[Crowd cheering]
Mrs. Twombly: Oh, my goodness! Thank you all so much! And I also want to thank my family members, the ones who couldn't make it and the ones who were with me tonight; and especially you, Blythe Baxter, for really making all of this possible!
Roger: That's my daughter! [Laughs] Oh! And this is for you, Mrs. Twombly!
[Rock n' Roll music]
Roger: Thanks! Thanky thanks!
Blythe: Heh, that's my dad!
Ling Pen: Oh! And that's a great musical costume!
Roger: Oh! Viva! Oh, yeah!
Penny Ling: Ah, family!

[End credits]

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