Standup Stinker/Transcript

Transcript
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Episode:	Standup Stinker
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Narrator: Space. Man has long wondered what it would be like to soar through the stars. However, before a man could go into space, there was... a monkey. We'll be right back with the story on the Before My Time channel.
Minka: That's my great-great-grandpa Grinka!
Russell: Your great-great-grandpa was the first monkey in space? That's incredible!
Minka: Yep, he was a hero, a groundbreaker!
Sunil: Ha, who would've though that our little Minka would be related to such a big hero?
Minka: [Scoff] Why? Because I've never done anything important like grandpa Grinka?
Sunil: Uh, well, er - no, you've done great things, too. Like, er - Ooh! Once I saw you put your entire foot in your mouth!
Vinnie: Er, that was me. See? Hm?
Pets: Ooh! 
Russell: Impressive!
Penny Ling: You're a great artist, Minka! Your work has been seen by millions! Well, okay, maybe not millions, but- one, two, three, four...
Minka: My art isn't important, not like space travel. I want to do something earth-shattering like grandpa Grinka did. Ooh, I could invent a glass horn that lights up when you flick a switch!
Sunil: Er, that one's already been done.
Minka: Darn! Everything's already been done!
Pepper: You know what hasn't been done? No pet has ever landed on the planet Mars!
Minka: Ohh, great idea! I'll be the first monkey on Mars!
Russell: Minka, that's not as simple as it sounds. For one thing, you'd need to build a spaceship.
Minka: Okay, you start building one and let me know when it's ready! Haha, I can't wait!
Russell: Okay, maybe it is as simple as it sounds.

[theme song]

Jasper: So, Blythe, this dog runs into a restaurant and the waiter says, "We don't serve pets here!" And the dog says, "That's okay, I'm not hungry!" [Laughing] That's so good!
Blythe: What the huh?
Jasper: It's a joke! Yeah, all right, so it needs work. But I still have a week!
Blythe: A week until what?
Jasper: The school is having a student comedy show, and we scored the coolest celebrity to judge it!
Blythe: Really? Who?
Jasper: I'll give you a hint: Bob Flemingheimer!
Blythe: For real? Bob Flemingheimer from Late Afternoon With Bob Flemingheimer?
Pepper: Bob Flemingheimer's going to be at Blythe's school?! I wish I could meet him!
Penny Ling: Ooh, yeah! Who's Bob Flingingsteiner?
Pepper: That is Flemingheimer to you, Penny Ling! He's only the greatest late afternoon talk show host ever! He's given hundreds of standup comedians their big break! And now let's give a big Bob hi to Bob Flemingheimer!
Bob Flemingheimer: Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a big Bob welcome to a promising young comedienne who can usually be seen performing at Littlest Pet Shop - Pepper!
Pepper: Thank you! Thank you, it's great to be here! So yesterday my owner took me to school for show and smell! Show and smell, get it?
[Crowd laughing]
Pepper: Hahaha! You know, skunks are smarter than you think. After all, we make a lot of scents! Ha ha, ah! But seriously, you know how to keep me from smelling; just hold my nose!
Bob: Give her a hand, everybody! Funniest skunk I have ever seen! Funny stuff, funny stuff!
Pepper: Ah, thank you, Bob! Thank you!
Penny Ling: [Voice wobbling] Pepper!
Pepper: Oh! Sorry, Penny Ling.
Jasper: So, are you going to sign up for the comedy show, Blythe?
Blythe: I don't think so, I don't really know very many jokes.
Jasper: Oh, I understand. Hey, Blythe, ask my why I'm the funniest guy around!
Blythe: Okay. Why are you the funniest guy ar-
Jasper: Timing!
Blythe: Uh... Keep working on it, Jasper. [Laugh]
Pepper: Ah, too bad that comedy show is just for human students. I guess I can only dream of being a real-life standup comedian.
Minka: Don't give up up up on your dream, Pepper!
Pepper: I'm a pet, not a people.
Minka: You can't let the fact that we're pets stop us from achieving our dreams! Just look at me! [Thud]
Pepper: Oh. Your dream is to crash into a wall?
Minka: No! I'm an astronaut-in-training! The tire swing simulates the G-forces I'll encounter in space! I'm going to be the first money on Mars! Three, two, one, blast off! [Screeching] Astronaut Minka to mission control, do you read me? I can see Mars straight ahead. Am I clear to land?
Russell: All clear to land, astronaut Minka. 
[Siren]
Russell: Astronaut Minka, we're detecting foreign objects coming toward you!
Minka: Taking evasive action! Look out! Watch it! My fault! Yikes! Whew! Mission control, I think I'm clear.
[Thud]
Minka: My ship is bruised! My ship is bruised!
Russell: Initiate separation from main holsters! It's the only way! 
Minka: Must. Initiate. Separation! Separation complete!
[Boom!]
Minka: The banana is under control!
Russell: Excellent work, astronaut Minka! Now make us proud!
Minka: Roger, mission control! Over and out! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [Screeching]
Russell: Minka, we've done it! We've made your spaceship!
[Screech]
Minka: What?!
Buttercream: It's a creamy-ish, streamy-ish, spacey-Casey ship-wich!
Minka: Wow!
Russell: Buttercream helped us outfit the baking canister with whipped cream cans. Now, if my calcuations are correct, the force of the whipped cream will propel the canister up, smashing through the roof, into space and all the way to Mars!
Minka: [Whooping and laughing] Can I try it?! Can I try it?!
Russell: Not yet; first, we need a dry run. Bring in the test pilot! Now then, stand by for lift off! Three, two, one, blast off! 
[Spritzing]
Russell: Sorry, Minka. I guess I failed. 
Minka: Failed? No, no, no, no, no! This prototype is a perfect first step!
Penny Ling: A tasty first step! [Licks] Mmm, num-num-num-num-num!
Minka: The show we watched said there were lots of failed attempts before they finally got the first rocket into space.
Russell: Huh, that's true.
Minka: I have faith in you, Russell! You can do it!
Russell: Heh, okay.
Minka: Nothing's going to stop me from achieving my dreams! I can't wait to get to Mars!
Pepper: Minka, you've inspired me! If you can make your dreams come true, then so can I!

Pepper & Minka: Blythe! I need you to make me a costume!
Blythe: Whoa, okay! Who's first?
Minka: Oh! Me, me, me! I need a spacesuit with a helmet and all that space stuff 'cause I'm goin' to Mars!
Blythe: Uhh, okay. One Mars-quality spacesuit, got it.
Minka: Yay! I've got to get back to mission control. Thanks, Blythe!
Blythe: Okay, Pepper, what's your costume going to be?
Pepper: A person!
Blythe: A person?
Pepper: Yes, and then I can enter the comedy contest at your school! Uh, make me a pretty blonde lady with pretty blue eyes! Oh, and give me a mustache! Mustaches are funny!
Blythe: Pepper, even if you look like a person, nobody but me can understand what you're saying. Remember?
Pepper: Ohhh, you're right! But I need to be a person to enter the comedy show at your school! [Gasp] Wait a second! You're a person, Blythe; you can enter the contest!
Blythe: Uh, just one prob: Like I told Jasper, I don't know any good jokes.
Pepper: Ah, not to worry, I'll write all your material. All you need to do is get on stage and deliver it.
Blythe: Hmm...
Pepper: Please, Blythe? It's my dream in life to have Bob Flemingheimer hear my jokes! You're my only hope!
Blythe: Gee, I don't know.
Pepper: Please? Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please...

Pepper: Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, pleeeaaaaase, please, please, please!
Blythe: Okay, okay! [Sigh] I'll enter the comedy show for you!
Pepper: Woo-hoo! Zippity-zinga!

Russell: Three, two, one, blast off!
[Spritzing]
Russell: [Groan] Strawberry whipped cream isn't any more powerful than vanilla.
Buttercream: But it's strawberr-ilish-delish! Mmm-mmm! [Slurps]
Vinnie: I don't know, Russell. Maybe we can't build a spaceship powerful enough to take Minka to Mars.
Russell: Can't? Did Isaac Newton say "can't" when that fig fell on his head? No! Did the pilgrims say "can't" when they invented stuffing? No!
Sunil: Suddenly I am hungry.
Russell: Oh sure, when I first took on this task, I had my doubts. But not anymore! Minka's dream has become my dream! Somehow, some way, I'll have this spaceship ready to fly to Mars and beyond!
Pets: [Applause]
Minka: Ah, thank you, Russell! Whoo-hoo!
Sunil: Do you really think you can make a working spaceship?
Russell: Nah. Not a chance.
Pets: [Groan]
Russell: But that doesn't mean Minka's dreams have to be shattered. I have an idea.

Pepper: Okay, Blythe, it's time for a little joke-telling 101. Hello, people! Hey, you know why there are no seagulls down by the bay? Because then they'd be bay-gulls (bagels)! Get it? Bay-gulls! [Laughing]
Blythe: [Laughing] That's a good one, Pepper!
Pepper: Ha! I got a million of 'em, and after I teach them to you, you'll be ready to impress Bob Flemingheimer at the comedy show!

Blythe: [Clears throat] Thank you! Do we have anybody from Littlest Pet Shop here today? Great! Littlest Pet Shop audiences are the best audiences in the world! Woo-hoo! So this one's a funny one: Why can't bagels fly? Because they're not seagulls! [Laughing] 
Pepper: What now? Blythe just told that joke all wrong!
Blythe: Okay, so anyway... Oh, wait 'til you hear this one! So, a bartender said, "We don't serve octopuses here! Come on in!" [Laughing] Oh, I forgot to say that there were three guys who walked into the room. And did I explain that the octopus can talk?
Pepper: D'ohhh!
Blythe: I don't get it. How come you're not laughing?
Mrs. Twombly: Oh Blythe, we wouldn't think of laughing at you, dear. We could never be so rude.
Blythe: No, Mrs. Twombly, you're supposed to laugh. I'm telling jokes. 
Mrs. Twombly: Are you sure, dear? I've heard jokes before, and they didn't sound like those.
Roger: Honey, I'm not sure telling jokes is for you. Maybe you should enter a fashion contest instead.
Mrs. Twombly: Those were jokes?
Blythe: [Sigh] I hate to say it, Pepper, but they're right. I'm terrible at telling jokes.
Pepper: [Stammering] Well, you just need a little more practice.
Blythe: Face it, Pepper, I'm no comedienne.
Pepper: But- what about my dream?
Blythe: It'll be a nightmare if I'm the one on stage.
Pepper: Well... What if you're not the only one on stage?
Blythe: What do you mean?
Pepper: I'll get on stage with you! You know, like some comedians go on stage with a dummy?
Blythe: But you're not a dummy.
Pepper: Ah, thanks, you're pretty smart yourself! [Laugh] See what I did there? Seriously, though - you go on stage and you tell the audience that I'm the funny one, and then I'll whisper the jokes in your ear and you deliver them just the way I say them.
Blythe: Errr, I'm not so sure about this.
Pepper: Please? Please? Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please-
Blythe: Okay, enough! I'm in!
Pepper: Yes!

Russell: Astronaut, please report to the launch pad. Minka, you look great!
Minka: Blythe made it. She did a great job, didn't she?
Russell: Amazing. Now, let's get your helmet on and check our communications. Check, check. Can you hear me, Minka?
Minka: I can hear you, but I can't see anything. 
Russell: Perfect, because, uh, the visor needs to shield your eyes from - er - grandma rays.
Minka: What are grandma rays?
Russell: Uh, they smell like fabric softener and make you feel guilty for not calling. Anyway, you don't need to worry as long as you keep your visor down. 
[Thud]
Minka: Oof, ow! I can't even see where I'm going! 
Russell: No worries. We're taking you into the spaceship now. Okay, we are go for mission to Mars. Commence countdown. Five, four, three, two, one, blastoff!
Vinnie: [Rocket noises]
Minka: Whoa! Mission control, I think my engines are misfiring! The ride is kinda bumpy!
Russell: Uh, you're just leaving Earth's gravity, it should smooth out now.
Vinnie: Uh, whoosh!
Russell: All right, astronaut Minka, you're landing on Mars now. The monkey has landed.
Minka: That's one small step for a monkey, one giant leap- whoaaah! [Thud] I'm okay!
Russell: All right, Minka, it's time to push up your visor.
Minka: Whoaaah! It's... amazing!
Russell: Astronaut Minka, you've been given a go to explore the planet's surface. But be careful, you never know what you may find out there.
Minka: [Gasp]

Minka: Greetings, Martian!
Sunil: Greep! 
Zoe: Zeep, zork!
Penny Ling: Blorp!
Minka: My name is Minka and I am from Earth!
Penny Ling: Gleep glorp! You are trespassing on our planet, earthling!
Zoe: Zeep zork! Attaaaaaack!
Sunil: Greep! 
Zoe: Zeep, zork!
Penny Ling: Blorp!
Minka: Uh, greep, glork! Uh, how do you say, "I come in peace?"
Sunil: Resistance is futile, earthling! We command you return to your Earth leaders and bring us back all the pet food on earth! Greep!
Minka: All of it? Well, that leaves... none of it for us!
Zoe: Exactly!
Sunil: Gleeep!
Minka: Well, I can't do that. Uh, how about a nice squeak toy?
[Squeak]
Penny Ling: That is not good enough!
Sunil: Greep! Give in to our demands, earth pet, or we will be forced to use [Inhales] thiiiiiiis!
Zoe: Behold, the doomsday laser Jellybean!
Penny Ling: If you do not give in to our demands, we will be forced to turn everyone on Earth into... jellybeans!
Minka: Oh, no! Littlest Pet Shop! My friends!
Russell: Minka, terminate the mission. Return to Earth immediately.
Minka: And let everyone get turned into jellybeans? Never!
Zoe: In that case, commence jellybean!
Minka: Noooooooo! Oof! Eep! [Thud] [Groans] Guess I'm not used to the gravity here on Mars. What's this? Are these... art supplies?
Sunil: Well, uh...
Zoe: You see...
Penny Ling: You've discovered why we're so angry all the time!
Sunil: Yes, we are angry! And why is that we are angry?
Zoe: Because have all those great art materials, but we don't know how to use them!
Minka: You don't? Well, greep zork zigga-zigga-zoo, this is your lucky day! I can teach you everything I know!

Principal Morris: Ladies and gentlemen, the next act in our student comedy show, I give you the team of Stinky and, uh, Baxter.
Blythe: Hello, people! I'm Baxter and this is my pet skunk Stinky! She's the funny one!
[Crowd laughing]
Blythe: What's that, Stinky? You've got a joke? 
Pepper: [Whispering]
Blythe: Uh-huh. Oh, that's a good one! Stinky says, how about this weather, huh? It's so hot out there, I got into the oven just to cool off!
[Crowd laughing]
Pepper: [Whispering]
Blythe: I like to cook, so I invented a seafood sandwich. It's called the peanut butter and jellyfish!
[Crowd laughing]
Pepper: [Whispering]
Blythe: Oh, and speaking of fish, you know how fish talk to each other? On their shell-phones!
[Crowd laughing]
Pepper: [Gasp]
Bob: [Laughing]
Pepper: Bob Flemingheimer! And he's... he's laughing! At me! 
Bob: Funny! Funny stuff! 
Pepper: Bob Flemingheimer! Ha!
Blythe: Pepper! The next joke! 
Pepper: Oh, right! Uh, the next joke is... [Gasp] I don't know the next joke is! 
Blythe: Pepper, don't do this to me! Please, please, please, please, please, pleeeeeease!
Pepper: I-I can't remember! I've totally forgotten all my material! I've got joker's block!
Blythe: Alright, you leave me no choice. I'll have to wing it!
Pepper: Oh, no!
Blythe: So, did you hear the one about the bagel that had wings? Wait, was that the joke? No. What do you call a bagel crossed with a seagull? No, that's not it.
[Crowd boo'ing]
Man: You stink!
Pepper: That's not necessarily a bad thing.
Sunil: Gleep!
Penny Ling: Zigork!
Zoe: Zork!
Minka: I know, haha! To think that art brought our two far away worlds together! I want you to keep it so you'll always remember the friendship of the pets of Earth!
Sunil: Oh, gleep!
Penny Ling: Zeek!
Zoe: Zork!
Minka: Well, I'd better be getting back to Earth. Hey, where is my spaceship? Ha, isn't it funny how you can never remember where you park?
Penny Ling: Uh! Uhhh! Oh, no! Must put visor down! Grandma rays heading our way!
Minka: Grandma rays! Yikes!
Sunil: Do not worry, we will get you back to your spaceship! Greep zork!

Pepper: I'm sorry, Blythe. It's all my fault. Seeing Bob Flemingheimer really threw me.
Blythe: That's okay. I mean, I'm embarrassed, but... Well, I'm more upset that you didn't get a chance to achieve your dreams of being a stand-up comedian, Pepper.
Pepper: Yeah, well... at least we tried. What do you say we go home and watch an Old Bananas marathon on the See It Again Network?
Blythe: You don't have to ask me twice! Dorp! [Gasp] OMG! Bob Flemingheimer!
Bob: I have something to tell you, young lady. Your delivery is awful, you have no stage presence, and you had no business being on that stage. But your jokes are brilliant!
Blythe: Thanks!
Bob: I'd like to buy the jokes you told tonight and any more good ones you might come up with. A real comedian knows how to make a joke work.
Blythe: Wow!
Bob: Oh, and Baxter, you might want to rethink the whole "my skunk is the funny one" routine. Heh, it's kinda... silly.

Russell: Minka, you did it!
[Thud]
Minka: Oof!
Russell: You're the first monkey on Mars!
Pets: [Cheering]
Minka: Oh, thank you! I trained hard, braved meteor showers, and persuaded the Martians not to turn us all into jellybeans! [Laugh] But pets of Earth, I did something much more important than any of that; I introduced the Martians to my favorite thing - art! And it made me realize that I was already accomplished! From now on, I'm going to stick to what I do best - art! [Laugh] And I'm going to do it right here on Earth!
Russell: That's a relief.
Minka: Sunil, where did you get that painting?
Sunil: [Yelp] Oh, this? Um... Martian Eek-bay?

[Applause]
Bob: Say, folks, you know why there are no seagulls down by the bay? Because then they'd be bay-gulls/bagels! Get it? Bay-gulls! [Laughs]
Blythe: That joke's pretty funny, Stinky!
Pepper: Well, Baxter, it's all about the-
Blythe & Pepper: Timing!
All: [Laughing]

[End credits]